Despite my own conclusions, I really needed a careful response from my husband to help me stop feeling so overwhelmed. He had no way of knowing what was going on in my head, but he could see that I was overwrought, and spoke gently. “Honey, I love you very much, and if you really want to fuck with Mark, then I think you should do it.” He paused for a moment, like he was carefully choosing his words, then he smiled and continued. “I don’t think it would be fair of me to hold you to being only mine, like you were somehow my property. You are very sexy and very hot and I love that, and everything else about you. I am not worried that you will run out of love for me.”
He paused to gauge my reaction to what he had said so far. For some reason, which I didn’t really understand, I wasn’t in the mood for making it any easier on him, and I gave him nothing. He would just have to say what he wanted to say, and get it right, without any clues from me. Seeing that he wasn’t going to get any help from me, he continued. “If you feel a passionate desire to be with him then you probably need to go with it. Just keep talking to me about what is going on for you so I know you aren’t going behind my back.” It seemed he was now finished because he gave me a funny looking smile.
It was a good try. My heart wanted to melt, because I could see these words were hard for him to say. Sadly though, all the confusion I felt from everything I was thinking and imagining ran right over my compassion. “Hmm, so you think I want to fuck Mark, and because you think I want to fuck Mark you think I just should. What if I wanted to fuck every man at work? What if I wanted to fuck the postman! Would that be okay with you too?”
I wasn’t sure why I was getting so angry with Mark, but it was hard to stop now that I had got going. Fortunately, instead of yelling back at me, Mark gently put his arms around me and held me close. Then he kissed me sweetly behind my ear and down my neck. It was a very loving gesture. I was also grateful that he didn’t try and grope me like he often did when I really needed to be properly held and hugged. It felt to me like he was trying very hard to be a loving husband, and that could only be good, but I wasn’t done with yelling at him yet. “You think I am like you and want to fuck every attractive person I see? You think I am suddenly crazy about sex, just because I told you that I feel a bit attracted to Mark?”
My husband kept holding me firmly and began stroking my head gently, in the way that he knew I found soothing. Then he spoke softly in my ear. “Darling Kate, I love you. Please don’t be angry about how you are feeling. Answer this question: do you want to fuck the postman?” I had calmed down a lot and looked at him through slowly welling tears and shook my head no.
“Do you want to fuck all the men at work?” I wiped my eyes, and gave him the most serious look I could manage before answering. “Not all at once; perhaps in groups of five.” We both laughed; then he asked the question that I was half dreading. “Do you want to fuck Mark?”
I smiled, kissed him, and began to really start crying. Mark just kept stroking my hair and after a minute or so I could look him in the eye again and nod my head yes. He replied immediately, his tone soothing. “It’s alright darling. If that’s what you need to do, you can do that. Everything will be okay — we will be okay — and you will know something more about yourself. That can only be good.”
I couldn’t say anything so I just kissed him. Although I no longer felt aroused I wanted to fuck my husband to let him know I still loved him, but he was already getting dressed for the day. I realised that it was actually quite late for us, and so joined him in the business of getting ready for work. It had been a tumultuous start to the day; after making this decision what was now different and what was normal? I wasn’t sure if I wanted things to speed up or slow down, it was all very confusing.