Suicide and the Narrative of Choice

We have made choice such a fetish that is used to explain everything and deny human frailty

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Whilst reading about the tragic death of the great Robin Williams I repeatedly stumbled upon the narrative of choice. Places like Psychcentral spoke about suicide being an “insidious choice”, but a “choice” nonetheless, so much so that they repeated the word to drive the message home. Meanwhile, whilst perusing social media I repeatedly came across variations of “people who commit suicide are selfish”, “how can anyone do that to their family?”. These sorts of comments make me twitchy. We’ve all heard them before.

In my own case they were personalised and weaponised, “How could YOU do that to your children? Do YOU not care about them?” I did, that was the problem. For some time I had felt like a millstone around the necks of my family. I loved them, but hated myself and could only see the ways I made their lives worse. After 2 failed suicide attempts in…

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How to Get Happy RIGHT NOW: 7 Quick Ways to Feel Better

My Mental Vacation

Shannon A Thompson

10522436_2406507240749_6078480465461130367_nSo…my mental health day turned into a vacation overnight. I hit the road! I am one of those people that can’t sit still for too long, so I’m celebrating life by traveling around. And I’ll be sure to share my adventure in the near future, but – as of now – I am living this adventure, and I’m expanding that little thing known as inspiration. But I will be back to blogging on Thursday, so you can expect a real post then. I promise.

Thank you for understanding this spontaneous life,

~SAT

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Extract from work-in-progress: Kate Gets Marks sequel

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Here are nearly 1000 words from the middle of my work-in-progress to date.

If you would like to help me out by doing some beta reading please get in touch.
Your comments below also very welcome

I began to wonder if I might have developed a little bit of a compulsion. My fantasies used to be pure make-believe. They were what they were meant to be; fictional creations of my mind intended only for my entertainment or to pass the time. Now it seemed when I had a fantasy that before too long I would end up acting out some of its key elements.

I hoped this wasn’t being disrespectful, but the two Marks had become a little interchangeable for me too as I swapped between imagination and reality. Yesterday I had fantasised about making love with Mark Two in a park. Some of what transpired between my husband and I last night had been a little inspired by those earlier musings. Now I was seriously thinking about making love outdoors, and my husband was going to be the beneficiary again. Well, if Mark Two ever came to his senses then it might work the other way around for him too.

We chatted about a few matters happening later in the week for the children, not because we were avoiding anything. We needed to organise the parenting responsibilities so we could move onto our couple issues. Once we cleared up the arrangements for dance classes and so on Mark swept me up into his arms.

I liked it. I always had, as long as he didn’t grab my breasts as his first move. The number of times I had to push his groping hands away was beyond count. Not tonight though, he was on best behaviour.

He kissed me how I like to be kissed. My neck. Behind my ear. Each eyelid. My forehead.

Everywhere his lips brushed and painted my skin sent another part of me fluttering with desire. I parted my legs, for once hoping he would ever so gently cup me there with his hand, his finger lightly pressing at my moist parting. He did not. I squirmed even more.

Unable to stand his nibbling kisses any more I pushed his shoulder back so I could look at him. I wanted to watch the reaction on his face to my suggestion. “Darling, that is lovely. I was wondering, would you be interested in making love to me outside? We did that a lot when we were first together. What do you think?”

He looked at me, smiling. Instead of speaking he pushed himself upwards into a tall kneeling position so I could see how ready he was for me. For a second I thought about changing my mind. I even began telling him to fuck me right here, right now, not wanting to lose the moment. Laughing, he shushed me with a gentle touch to my lips. “More wicked thoughts Kate? What did you have in mind exactly?”

“Honey, I want you to take me by the hand and to walk me out to the outdoor table. I am going to lie back on that table and you are going to stand there between my legs. Does that sound doable?”

It didn’t take us long to get caught up in the thrill of being adventurous and a little bit naughty. The table was at the exact right height. Even though it was dark twilight rather than bright sunlight, the manner of our pleasure in the warm air with the hard surface beneath me took me back to my fancies of yesterday. Once more, what was happening to me for real blurred with those recent imaginings.

The thrill of being discovered was a big part of the excitement. The voices of people calling out to one another sounded out over our stifled laughing and moaning. The house next door was rented out to our usually quiet Chinese student neighbours. Their driveway and backdoor steps were only metres away from where I lay with my legs up in the air, my husband moving between them. The voices didn’t sound like they belonged to them, perhaps meaning we weren’t being watched. That was probably good.

The voices calling out were from further away, like the sounds of people climbing up the zigzagging path to the top of the hill where I took Mark Two in my fantasy. Now sweat wasn’t only sliding down my body to dampen the table’s oil-stained jarrah. It also ran from my body onto smooth hard rock supporting my back as my lover fucked me on that hill. I opened my eyes and there he stood looking at me smiling as we both started to come.

I thrashed around and when I was able to see clearly again it was my dear husband still inside me, breathing hard and kissing me as he leant forward to rest. When he could talk again he looked at me knowingly. “You really like him don’t you.” He was not asking me a question. I pushed him back gently and swung myself up to stand and kiss him, still throbbing inside from our wonderful fuck.

“I do, but he says he doesn’t want to see me. He emailed me. Said my being married made it too hard for him to see me. I thought he was okay with you being number one in my life, but he has changed his mind. None of this is easy is it?” I shook. Then I cried.

Mark picked up our robes from the table and then guided me towards the door. “Let’s go inside and talk about this more. We need to fix this.”

I could not believe my ears.

(c) copyright 2014 Ronnie Strong

that look between two people

We all know that feeling you get.

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The recognition of an urgent feeling you weren’t necessarily expecting. Lust.

It can happen at the beach, on a stairway or at a supermarket. Anywhere.

You might be in a committed relationship or not. Does not matter.

It happens.That moment you look at someone and feel the strong flood of attraction.

They could be the love of your life but you will never know because the moment must pass while your everyday reality resumes.

I  have tried writing several haiku to capture this feeling when eyes briefly meet.

Vote for the one you like best or write your own. Tell me what you think

#1

The look says it all
Not what either expected
Mutual attractions stalks

#2

A pleasant surprise
Unexpected and welcome
Excited lips part

#3

Eyes meet and flicker
Register the attraction
Bringing fleeting pause

#4

Flirting eyes betray
Smiling sudden interest
Just as quickly gone

Inspiration

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on sleep – Haiku

My conversation with Ronnie Strong

The Soft Pillow

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Tell us a little more about yourself?

I write erotica because I like the idea of exploring human sexuality within loving relationships. I like the idea of being able to captivate a reader with a vivid and real seeming intimate exchange so that they feel like they are there. I also like it because it is so different to my studies and work which is concerned with social policy and advocacy.

Quickly, tell us about your upcoming releases?

I am working on part two of Kate Gets Marks which will make it into a full length novel. I am a bit behind schedule but getting close.

Do you have any specific inspiring incident that turned you out as an author?

I turned to writing erotica after listening to published authors talking about their craft on a panel at a Pleasure Salon Melbourne event a few years ago. I went there…

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Kate Gets Marks, Part 2, draft opening paragraphs

I am currently working on Part 2 of Kate Gets Marks. 
This is my draft opening few paragraphs. You can be a beta-reader. Any comment?

 

My husband rolled away not saying a word; instead, snorting his disgust to banish intimacy from our bed. Until that moment I thought we were going to be okay. I wilted where I lay crying, all at once alone and scared for our marriage.

This morning when I got home, amazed rather than ashamed, it had all seemed manageable. Mark had encouraged me to be adventurous and pursue what it was that I wanted from Mark Two. I thought this meant he accepted what I had gone on to do and that we would be okay afterwards. Hoped might have been more accurate. On reflection, I could have anticipated this delayed reaction even though he seemed alright about it this morning.

We had not spoken during the day which sometimes happened without either of us intending it that way. Mark Two did not try to call me either and I did not even think of ringing him. I thought it was because we were all busy at work. From the way my husband turned his back on me now it seemed the adage about the cold light of day applied to us. The cold gap between our warm bodies told me he had rethought his attitude, maybe even his love for me.

My deep love for my husband had not changed. It was as strong and effortless as it ever had been. What had changed for me was accepting this desire bursting from within. When I married Mark and for all the years since I thought monogamy was natural and right for me. Now I fancied another man and this overwhelming urge was not going away. I was not sure how I could even begin to explain my transformation.

I did know the surging love within me was liberating. I wanted to share it with both of the men I desired, not one over the other. The way I thought about love and how it worked had changed for all time. Love added and multiplied; not subtracted and divided. Could the two Marks in my life fathom what this could mean for us? Neither need miss out on anything. They could have everything from me; almost anything at all, within the limits of nicety and decorum of course.

My husband — now so furious — supported me to take the first huge step. I was not pretending I was pushed into last night’s wonderful tryst with Mark Two. I had been the one to jump, eyes wide open, with both Marks watching to see where I would land.

I could now see that it was more of a leap for them than for me. My elaborate fantasies gave me enough clues to know where I was heading. My intentions and bodily desires had been pretty clear. My longings were like a flaming torch burning inside me. Mark Two was both a spark and a hydrant for my scorching lust problem. Ignoring it and trying to abstain was never going to pacify this hot fire. Quenching it with an uninhibited flood of passion was the only possible thing left to do.

Kindle Fire HDX Giveaway, also The Laundromat, Kate Gets Marks …

 

 

The Clarissa Wild Author page has reached 5000 likes!!! To celebrate a few authors and bloggers have banded together to do a huge rafflecopter giveaway ….

 

You could win a Kindle Fire HDX!!!!

 

 

What’s more is that there are loads of other gifts you can win, such as gift cards, ebooks, SWAG and more!

 

 

Enter below:

 

 

Quick and dirty haiku

When love takes control

great control

Poems, stories, paintings and more by Sharmishtha Basu

when love takes control HH 29.4.14

I try to write pure haiku, syllable count 5-7-5

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